Tara | Queen of Spades

So last night Donald texts me that he "changed his mind about prop 8" and if he could would vote yes. When I asked why his only applicable answer was that it's a huge waste of money. NEWSFLASH, YOU PRICK, PEOPLE WASTE MILLIONS OF DOLLARS A YEAR JUST GOING TO THE FUCKING MOVIES. Honestly, I can't stand him right now and don't even know why we're dating. It's not like he ever pays for anything anyway. I don't understand he can let some guy he barely knows change his mind so easily, and for a shitty fucking reason. I really just don't understand it at all. And the sad thing is, I'm not even sure I could love him the same after this. Ignorant people irritate me and he's slowly inching toward that list.

God, I don't even want to talk to him. Or touch him, or let him touch me or anything. And I don't know how long this is going to last.

This is the third day I've been stuck at Donald's grandma's house and I hate it. I can tell they're tired of me being here, but there's nothing I can do about it. I really wish I had a car right now. Donald's off with his cousin taking the alternator back to get a new one. I highly doubt it would take an entire hour to do that, so they probably are doing something else right now. It's really fucking annoying he left me here with his family alone so he could hang out with his cousin. He can do shit like that when I'm not around. And he could have at least given me a definite fucking answer when I asked him if he wanted me to go. A "no" would've been better than him sneaking off to fucking ditch me. Shit like this makes me really hate being around him. And it's even fucking worse that I can't just leave. I could ask my uncle to drive up here and pick me up, but he would almost certainly ask for gas money, which I wouldn't give him because he's a bastard.

I can't even fucking text anybody because my phone's about to die. I fucking hate my life right now. And Donald can go suck one, cause I'm not talking to him when he gets back. No matter what annoying fucking excuse he gives this time.

+ Now, let's make that one and a half hour. I think it'll take him at least 2 or perhaps 3. And then I'm just going to make other plans for Christmas. And get him that wrench he said he didn't want for Christmas. Asshole.

++ Apparently he's back, but I'm still not talking to him, because he couldn't come in and say that himself. So he can bite my ass.

+++ He's been back for a whole fucking hour and can't say one fucking word to me? I swear to God, I can't stand him.

I was up until 12 finishing my notes for my Art History test. It fucking sucked. Alex was about as much help as crabs. When I finally got done (after at least 5 hours of work) I had to find a save point for FF12 cause Donald didn't before he left. That was an extra hour of work. My fucking tea was cold, I was tired as hell, and all the freaking green walkways were getting on my damned nerves. It fucking sucked. Hard.

Then today I took the Art History test after writing a page of my paper due tomorrow (1 of 6, complete) and got back my take home test for that class. The whole fucking paper is filled with nothing but negative comments. I fucking kid you not, there is nothing nice written about it anywhere. And I somehow got a B+. How the fuck is that possible ?! I'm so fucking glad I don't have that class anymore because THE TEACHER CAN SUCK MY FUCKING COCK, BITCH!

God, I hate that woman. She's such an asshole.


GRRRAHH! Time to do my shitty archaeology paper.

This morning I finished up my final graphic design paper (like stabbing myself over and over again) and went to play Rockband 2 with Jaz-mean and Josh. It was friggen super. I'm getting better at drums (wewt wewt) and Jaz is getting waaay better at guitar. She doesn't suck anymore. Makes me smile. While we were in the Rockband room, some annoying black drummer kid took the 360 version on the TV next to us. Let me just say more than one group playing Rockband at the same time is HORRIBLE. Anyway, annyoing boy is really good and he keeps trying to show off to me and Jasmine (Josh left after about a hour or so) and it was starting to irritate the hell out of us. The only instrument playing was the drums and this asshole had to have the sound turned up hella loud. Needless to say, me and Jaz weren't impressed. In fact, I wanted to punt him in the face. But all was well, we finished the set and dragged our tired asses home, but not until I made her look for me when I ducked into The Store to buy bluebooks for my upcoming tests.

Haha, I love how The Store is capitalized. Union rocks.

This morning I puked up a ton of water. It fucking sucked. I did NOTHING to earn barfing. I didn't drink last night and I don't drink to the point of puking anyway. Actually, I don't even really like it. The last time I did was... months ago. Anyway, moving on. Maria is a shitty bitch. While I was puking she was microwaving herself something to eat. Bitch didn't even offer to help. (BTW, Maria's roommate #2) So I got to hang on the couch for the day. Got half the paper that's due Wednesday done, so all is well. I have to get the other half done tomorrow.

Umm, thoughts thoughts... I kinda wonder what John's up to. I mean... after reading how I used to feel about him I'm kinda hoping he doesn't still feel the same way about me. I don't think he needs to feel horrible for the rest of his life. A little over a year is long enough for me.

And I want to see Donald. It's not like...crucial or anything, I'd just like to see him. Maybe watch him sleep or cuddle or something. We didn't get our cuddle time yesterday because I fainted (1) and needed food badly afterwards (2). Funny story that. I passed out in the shower due to the heat, lack of food/water, and exhaustion. I'm lucky he caught me or I might have brain damage or some shit right now. My ex-doctor's response to all this is to drink Pedialite. Thanks doc, big help. I don't feel well enough to walk to the fucking store. Assmunch.

I'm like a retarded energiser bunny when it comes to topics. Lawls.

Ugh, not being correctly understood the first time is irritating. And I need something for these fucking moodswings. It's ridiculous.

Okay, so lots went down in my ridiculously long absence so I'ma try to bring my life up to speed starting from the first post on to the present.

Sophomore Year

Switched schools not long after that. I skipped alot and basically, the old school was making me fucking sick. In the new school I met the friends that unknowingly helped me fix my life (but that's skipping ahead), the boy that became a man that is my life (even further), and graduated (just a tad further than that).

Dad... umm... wow. He's...I've almost given up on Daddy. Thing's just don't work out, but again, something for later on.

Junior Year

John moved in with us for a while. It was a stupid idea, but I didn't really care at the time. Our relationship self destructed. He got too comfortable and put me through all kinds of hell. In the beginning, I was estatic. I had everything I wanted all in the same place. But it slowly got bad; he stopped doing the things he should've been doing and it was hurting me. He was abusive in so many ways without realizing it and I hope to god he realizes it now. I would've gladly done anything for him, and that didn't start to change until he started hurting me. So that's how it turned out. I don't forgive him, and I doubt I ever will, but I don't hate him. He taught me how to love and what not to do. He helped me see myself for who I really am. And he helped me grow up and let go of my childish reality. And I'm glad for it.

The friends that I met up with at my new school were my backbone. I was hurting and I never told them and I'm sorry for that. It probably would have made our friendship stronger. I still talk to them, but not as much. I should start fixing that.

Transition Summer

The summer I met Greg, who showed me I was attractive to people other than John. The summer I learned Greg had a girlfriend. The summer Greg became history.

The summer I broke my own heart when I broke John's. The summer I decided that I needed someone better. The summer I grew up much too fast. The summer I dated the next guy much too soon.

The summer me and Jabari started dating. The summer I said words I didn't mean. The summer I needed someone to hold me and be there.

Senior Year

Me and Jabari broke up. There was something missing, and I wasn't sure what it was, but I was sure I didn't love him. And I wasn't sure if I ever did.

I was single for a while. I let a guy I barely know talk me into sex. That was very stupid. I learned from it. I'll never do it again.

I slowly but surely fell in love with Donald. At first I thought it was a crush. For one, Donald was white and I've very far from it. And two, I didn't really know him that well. But damnit, what I did know was captivating. It was like everything I ever wanted all in one chewy little package. I talked to some friends about it and they told him (should've seen that coming) but it didn't bother me much. Probably because I still felt attractive from past...stuff. It took senior prom for him to actually see me. I asked him and he said no so I went with a friend and alcohol. I was drunk before I stepped through the doors. I asked Donald to dance and he somehow took it as more than one and then we took pictures... and then he left. And I continued my night. A few days later he asked me out. I'll never forget how akward I felt in his presense before we started dating. I could freaking feel myself get hot. It was crazy. So we started dating and it was freaking amazing.

Freshman Year - College

I moved out a whopping five days after I turned 18.

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I'm bored out of my mind. Summer vacation is pretty dull, but at least I'm not working. It seems that people are aware that I make flyers and other advertisements. Yay! See the panther icon? I made it. AND -gasp- it actually looks good. I made another one, too, but it's for John so you can't see. =P!

ACTUAL ANAOLGIES AND METAPHORS FOUND IN HIGH SCHOOL ESSAYS!


Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.

Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

"Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on $1-a-beer night.

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

The knife was as sharp as the tone used by Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee (D-Tex.) in her first several points of parliamentary procedure made to Rep. Henry Hyde (R-Ill.) in the House Judiciary Committee hearings on the impeachment of President William Jefferson Clinton.

The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword.

Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.

She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened.

It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

Weird looking thingy...

Is that a talking egg?

Bread. Yay. -.-

Purdy dragon! ^_^!

Dragon tail?

Scorpion!

Another purdy dragon-thingy.

Ant?

Articuno! xD

Flying elephant?

How does this thing work...?

I finally made a user pic! A couple weeks of Digital Media and I'm fuckin' queen of Photoshop! ^_^! Really, though...I could've done it long before this but I wanted something super kick ass like what Dei makes. I'm not at that level yet (._.;) but I'm workin' at it!

Sleepy... The boyfriend's sleeping already. No homework. Went and got food. Ate a hot pocket. Bored. Should sleep. Want my Jonjon. Gah.

New school. Lots of computers. Weee. Bored out my mind. Personalizing my shit still.

Hmm...lets recap on while I was gone/not writing for whatever reason:

Played the shit out of Most Wanted: Blacklist #8 (or is it 7...?).
Fought with Asshole often.
Cuddled Jonjon.
Joined a RP.
Watched RP fall to pieces (members suck!).
Remembered the laptop/bathtub thing.
Got a thirty day notice because of my druggie uncle.
Angsted about my poor kitty.
Ect.

My life sucks.
I should get an award for having the best hidden split personality.
Do I seem as happy as I act?
Pausing the Sasuke-like brooding.
It sucks.
Is that my new favorite word? "Sucks"?

Got a trim...
...didn't scream while it happened.
That's an improvement.

I want my kitty! -Sobs.-

Jordan went missing after my asshole brother threw her outside. I guess he had a good reason, though. She was pawing at the fish, as in her was in the water...yeah. It's not like we don't feed her. Mutha fucka eats more than we do. -Sigh; flops.- I just want my cat, man. She was my little furry buddy, despite all the bad shit she does.